More telephunny

The setting is in the back office of a medical clinic.
Two humanz sit, one doctor, one assistant. They are reading stuff out of magazines in silence, as business was slow and there was nothing else to do, and not enough in common with one enother to engage in conversation. 
The thick silence is cut by the abrasive ring of a telephone. It was the doctor’s direct line. He looks at the phone, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
It rings twice… three times… four times…. five… (Doctor scratches head while assitant grows impatient with the annoying noise and Doctor’s apparent lack of knowing how to respong to a telephone)  six… seven…..
Doctor to assistant (me): “What should I do?”
Me: ……..
Doctor (clearly uncomfortable, like he may have just peed his pants a little): “Should I answer it?”
Me: …. “Yes.”
Doctor: (pointing to the reciever) “Do I just pick this up?”

This man could save your life. He wears scrubs to prove it.

Published in: on September 15, 2011 at 16:33  Leave a Comment  
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Here’s a fun telephonic exchange I had whilst working today:

Person: “Hi, are you open?”

Me: “….Yes.”

Person: “What is your wait time at the moment?”

Me: “Approximately twenty minutes”

Person: “Sooo…. if I were to come in in about an hour and a half, I’d only have to wait twenty minutes?”

Me: “Well, that’s hard to say. If you were to come in right now, the wait time is approximately twenty minutes. I am unable to tell you a wait time an hour and a half from now.”

Person: “……This is an urgent care, right?”

Me: “Yes”

Person: (slathered with a thick layer of Unpleasant and Demanding) “So how come you can’t give me a wait time?”

Me: “Urgent cares are walk-in clinics. I unfortunately have no way of knowing how many people will walk in between now and ninety minutes from now”

Person: (add a thicker layer) “I SAID an hour and a half, not ninety minutes”

Ms. FML: “yes, you’re right. My mistake.”

Person: “You must not understand. How about this: If I show up in an hour and a half, how many people will be in the waiting room?”

Really?: “I’m not sure”

Person: “Can you guess?”

omfgreally: “……….Five.”

Person: “So, how long will I have to wait?”

Me: “Seven minutes”

Person: “Oh……… okay. Great. I’ll see you then”.


This isn’t much of a post, but I’ve been having a dry spell and the urge to write something and have strangers read it has been enormous. Hopefully some kind of inspiration will slap me in the back of the head soon…


Buddy, I know the feeling

Published in: on September 8, 2011 at 03:53  Leave a Comment  
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Why are you single?

A question I’m all too frequently asked on a dating website I visit is, “why are you single?”.

I typically respond that my enjoyment of  German midget-clown pissing fetish porn throws guys off. They usually don’t respond after I tell them this, but today someone saw it as a potential joke and asked what the real reason was. I told him it’s because the only thing I have going for me is that, in real life, I have a sex drive equivalent to a pubescent boy on two doses of Viagra and I’m a really, really nice person. Aside from that I’m too busy to have much of a personality.

He felt this was unfortunate. I agreed.

Published in: on June 10, 2010 at 06:21  Leave a Comment  
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